Dear Kris Dryden,

Let me first state that I am a man who means what he says. I do not mince words, and I do not use irony to make a point. And when I ordered food at your Bruegger's Bagels establishment last Monday I expected to receive precisely what I ordered. What I ordered was a Spinach Omelet on an Asiago Parmesan Softwich. Incidentally I shudder every time I say Softwich. To the server's credit she went out of her way to ask me what I wanted the sandwich on. Even so, a Softwich is not what I received. Instead my Spinach Omelet was served on what I believe is a pretzel bagel. In fact I have just checked on the Bruegger's Bagels website and it is literally called a Salt Bagel.
Let me also state that I am a man who does not as a rule dislike pretzels or salty food items. In fact I enjoy them from time to time. However, this Salt Bagel leaves a burning sensation in one's mouth that is more fiery than the Jalapeno Cheddar Bagel. I scraped at least 75% of the salt of the bagel, and still its potency was astronomical. I would not have run into this problem if I had checked the contents of my bag before leaving the store, but I have developed a rapport with the workers and a trust of your company in general. However this does not bother me as much as the fact that you have such an abomination on your menu. Because I am confident no one orders your Salt Bagel, I am here to inform you that it would be a health hazard to keep the item on your menu.

Sincerely,

Frederick R. Freaker